


When My Blood Turns To Alcohol

by nervecrash



Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: Blowjobs, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-25
Updated: 2014-05-25
Packaged: 2018-01-26 12:41:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,552
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1688729
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nervecrash/pseuds/nervecrash
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The first time it happens is when Ashton pulls a some booze from his bag. “Secret stash,” he says with a wink. They’re not legal yet in the States. Luke grins. It’s been a while since he last had a beer. And it’s definitely been a while since he had something stronger.</p>
            </blockquote>





	When My Blood Turns To Alcohol

The first time it happens is when Ashton pulls a some booze from his bag. “Secret stash,” he says with a wink. They’re not legal yet in the States. Luke grins. It’s been a while since he last had a beer. And it’s definitely been a while since he had something stronger.

It doesn’t take long before he is starting to feel lightheaded. He is giggling, but he doesn’t really know why. The bed is just really soft and Ashton is really warm. Luke presses his face against Ashton’s neck to stifle his laugh.

The sun is bright when Luke wakes the next morning. He’s sure it’ll hurt when he’ll open his eyes. He can already feel the headache in the back of his head. His arm also feels numb. When he looks to the side he can see that Ashton is the cause of that.

He looks at his phone and sees that’s already past eleven. After a struggle to get his arm free, he rolls out of bed. He decides to splash some water in his face to wake up. Maybe he’ll feel a bit more decent than he does now.

On his way over to the bathroom, he steps on his pants and he wonders why he is not wearing them. He doesn’t remember taking them off. He starts to panic now. Ashton is lying in his bed. Are his pants gone, too?

In the bathroom mirror he sees his face – pale, hungover. His eyes land on a bruise on his collarbone. It wasn’t there the night before. He can almost feel Ashton’s fingers softly brushing over his skin, his teeth sinking in the soft flesh.

Luke shudders. Is that what they did last night? There is this warm feeling at the pit of his stomach when he thinks about it. Maybe it isn’t so bad after all – what happened last night. He probably enjoyed it and maybe he shouldn’t have.

He wonders if Ashton enjoyed it, too. He wonders what Ashton even thinks about this, if they should talk about it. What would they even say? Maybe they shouldn’t talk about it at all. Leave it as a thing that happened.

Ashton is awake when Luke walks back into the bedroom. “Slept well?” Luke asks. Ashton only grunts in response. He’s probably hungover as well, more hungover than Luke. He drank more as well. It probably wasn’t the smartest idea.

Ashton gets up from the bed and Luke can’t help but stare at his bare ass. He can feel the soft flesh beneath his fingers as he travels his hand from Ashton’s shoulders all the way down, nails digging in his skin.

Luke snaps out of his thoughts when Ashton pulls his pants on. But the scratches are still visible, red and angry. He wonders if Ashton can still feel them itching. He wonders if he can still feel the touch of Luke’s fingers on his back.

“God, my head hurts,” Ashton says. He looks at Luke. “How much did we drink last night? I don’t even remember anything.” Luke can feel his heart sinking. He doesn’t even remember a thing of what happened last night. 

“Yeah, I don’t remember, either,” Luke mumbles. It’s the biggest lie. He can see the images of last night vividly playing in front of his eyes. But he doesn’t want to make a fool out of himself. It’s not that big of a deal.

\--

The second time it happens is when they’re out and Ashton is dancing really close to him. Luke didn’t count how much Ashton has consumed so far, but it’s enough to leave him drunk. He is a giggling mess.

He is being quite clingy all the way back to the hotel and Luke can’t say he doesn’t like it. Ashton is warm and giggly, pressed against his side. The only reason he is still standing is because he is clinging to Luke’s shirt for dear life.

Back in the hotel room, he lets himself fall face first onto the bed. He immediately gets rid of his shirt and jeans and pats the spot next to him. “Come cuddle me, Lukey,” he says with a pout on his face that is too hard to resist.

Luke wants to say ‘no, go to sleep, Ash’. But he can’t. So he crawls in bed next to Ashton and snuggles close to him. Ashton warps an arm around his waist and sighs in content as Luke travels a hand through his hair.

This could go two ways. Ashton will pass out cold and won’t wake up until the next morning. That would be the easy way. The one with the least confrontation and the least hurt feelings. It would be the way where Luke is able to sleep.

But obviously it goes the other way when Ashton turns around and his lips brush against Luke’s neck. Luke’s breath hitches in his throat and he wants to push Ashton away from him. But he can’t. He just can’t resist him.

He can’t. He loves the feeling too much. Loves it when Ashton starts to suck on the skin. Loves it when his finger slip underneath his shirt, softly brushing his stomach. He wishes he won’t ever stop doing that.

Ashton’s lips move from Luke’s neck to his mouth as he slowly crawls on top of him. Luke is way too sober to let this happen without thinking too much. Without feeling things he isn’t supposed to. “What are you doing?” Luke asks between kisses.

Ashton doesn’t pay attention to what he is saying. He just continues to kiss Luke. “You can’t just ignore this, Ash,” Luke presses, sounding slightly out of breath. He can’t concentrate on what he is saying and he hates the effect Ashton has on him.

“Just blame it on the alcohol,” Ashton says. Luke doesn’t comment on it, just lets it be. It’s not a good idea, he knows. But he doesn’t have to ability to push Ashton of and have a serious talk about whatever this is.

Luke gasps when Ashton pushes his groin down against Luke’s own. He can feel how hard he is. He desperately wants Ashton to take his pants of already. It’s starting to feel uncomfortable. He involuntarily buck his hips up. 

Ashton seems to get the hint as he starts to unbuckle Luke’s belt. Luke can’t believe that this is actually happening. He hasn’t been able to stop thinking about it since last time. He hopes that Ashton will remember this time.

Ashton’s fingers are everywhere and Luke’s skin is on fire. He needs some kind of release soon or he’s going to explode. It feels like fireworks going off inside of him. They need to escape soon or he’ll blow up.

Luke’s panting by the time Ashton reaches the waistband of his pants. His fingers are tickling and Luke’s hips buck up again. Ashton chuckles, making Luke look at him. “Eager, are we?” he says with an eyebrow raised.

Ashton’s lips are pink and swollen and his pupils blown wide, covering all of the hazel in his eyes. His hair is a complete mess, slightly hanging in his eyes. He looks so damn good and Luke can’t take his eyes off of him.

Ashton smirks as Luke moans when he finally gets a hand on him. He curls his toes, because God this feels so good. And Ashton is so damn smug about it. Luke makes sure that he’s going to wipe that smirk of his face later.

Ashton’s got Luke in moaning mess in a matter of seconds. He is fighting to keep his eyes open and to keep the sound inside, but it’s safe to say that he is losing. Ashton doesn’t really seem to mind, though.

Ashton seems to enjoy it, even though he is blaming it on the alcohol.

\--

“Morning, guys,” Luke says when he joins Michael and Calum at the breakfast able. He feels exhausted and they have to play a gig tonight. He is not sure how he is going to manage, but he’ll have to.

“Morning,” Calum replies with his mouth full of food. He swallows. “Where’s Ash?” Luke involuntarily thinks back at last night. The sounds he could make escape Ashton’s mouth by simply touching him. He loved it.

“He’s still sleeping,” Luke answers Calum’s question. Luke left him upstairs, naked and vulnerable. He didn’t want the confrontation just yet. But he’ll need it soon, though. He need to know what this thing is going on between them. 

“He was so wasted last night,” Michael says. He snorts a bit, remembering how gone Ashton was last night. Michael likes to make fun of drunk people, especially when they’re hungover the following day. Ashton will definitely be hungover. 

“He’s such clingy drunk,” Calum comments. “When we went out last time, we were rooming together. He clung to me all the way back to the hotel and then demanded to be cuddled.” Luke thinks the situation looks awfully similar to what happened last night. But he can’t ask Calum if he slept with Ashton.

Is that what Ashton does? Does he sleep with everyone in the band? Just for the sake of it. Luke suddenly feels sick to his stomach and pushes his breakfast away. How could he be so stupid? He feels so used. It’s not because of him, it’s because of the sex.

Ashton doesn’t look alright when he finally joins the other three boys at breakfast. His hair is a complete mess, his face looks pale and he has huge bags underneath his eyes. He looks like he could fall asleep at any moment and the slightest sound makes him wince in pain.

“Morning, mate,” Calum says, sympathy evident in his tone. Ashton grunts something incoherent, which no one seems to know what it means. He doesn’t clarify and just pours his glass full of orange juice.

Michael chuckles. “Take it easy on the drinks next time,” he says, clapping a hand on Ashton’s back. Ashton groans, laying his head down on the table. Michael is not being gentle with him at all in his hungover state.

Luke doesn’t think Michael should be gentle with him. It’s Ashton’s own fault that he’s hungover. He wasn’t gentle with Luke, either, the night before. He probably never thought about Luke’s feelings. He’ll probably claim that he doesn’t remember a thing soon.

Luke feels the anger starting to bubble and he gets up from his seat before he does something stupid. He feels stupid. And he feels used. He runs up the stairs, not bothering to wait for the lift. He needs to get out of here.

When he gets to his room, he sees the bed. The bed where him and Ashton slept together. The bed that holds his most beautiful dream and his worst nightmare. The bed he now hates. 

He pulls the sheets off and throws them in a pile on the ground. They smell like Ashton, alcohol, sex and his broken heart. He kicks them and wishes they could feel the pain. It’s probably better than what he is feeling.

How could he let this happen?

\--

The third time it happens is when Ashton goes to the hotel bar together with Calum. Luke goes to bed early, because he feel so damn exhausted and Michael hasn’t even bothered to get out of bed in the first place, sleeping all day.

Luke is asleep when Ashton returns, but he wakes up again. Ashton isn’t particularly silent, especially not when he has had something to drink. Luke can hear him bumping into a wall and giggling afterwards at his own stupid action.

Luke rolls his eyes. That stupid giggle. He doesn’t like the sound of it. It can make him do anything. He hates the fact that Ashton has so much power over him, without ever realizing it. He doesn’t want Ashton to realize it, because Luke’s sure that he’ll use it against him.

“Luke,” Ashton whispers. He doesn’t want to answer. He knows what is going to come when he does. First he’ll snuggle close to him and then he’ll start placing kisses all over Luke’s neck and collarbones. He’ll want more and Luke will cave in, because he is that weak. And Ashton could blame it all on the alcohol.

But he does anyway. “What?” he replies, his voice low. His tone may sound a bit harsh, but Ashton is either oblivious or chooses to ignore it. Luke can hear him coming closer. Then the bed sinks in and two arms try to grab Luke’s waist.

He doesn’t edge away even though he wants to. Ashton’s arms feel comforting and for a moment it seems like everything is alright. Luke knows it’s not and Ashton knows damn well, too. He simply chooses to not acknowledge it.

Luke turns around, so his back his back is pressed against Ashton’s chest. His hot breath is tickling his neck, making Luke squirm. His breath smells of alcohol. Luke doesn’t want this, he wants Ashton to go and lie in his own bed.

Ashton’s sock clad feet rub against Luke’s bare leg. He shivers. Ashton proceeds to take off his socks in the process, still rubbing. And his lips start brushing against Luke’s neck, while his fingers ghost over Luke’s stomach. Luke curses himself for wearing such minimal clothing.

“Ash,” Luke breathes, grabbing the hand on his stomach while shifting away from the older boy. “Don’t – ” Luke chokes on his words and closes his eyes for a moment. “Don’t do that.”

“Why not?” he asks, intertwining his fingers with Luke’s. “I know you like it.” He does. He likes it too much even. But he doesn’t like the aftermath. Ashton always pretends he doesn’t remember. Ashton is never sober and he hates it. He hates it so fucking much.

“I don’t,” Luke says, but it doesn’t stop Ashton. It doesn’t stop him from roaming his hand all over Luke’s almost naked body. It doesn’t stop him from palming Luke through his underwear. “I do,” Luke chokes out.

He doesn’t understand why he can’t be a little bit stronger and just push Ashton off. No instead he eggs him on by giving Ashton the satisfaction of making him gasp. Ashton knows he likes it, no matter how many times he says he doesn’t.

Eventually he ends up underneath a half naked Ashton. He tilts his head to give him better access to his neck and he thinks why? Why is he so stupid? Why is he giving Ashton his way? Why is he falling so hard for this boy?

Luke grabs the sheets and braces himself for what is going to come. Ashton takes his underwear off. He doesn’t want to, but he wants to. He’s been having nightmares about this, but he’s been dreaming of this. All he wants is for Ashton to be sober.

Luke lets out a moan when Ashton takes him in his mouth. He opens his eyes and looks down. As if he can feel him staring, Ashton looks up to him, meeting his eyes. It’s a strange feeling, yet everything seems to be right at the same time.

He tries to hold back, but he can’t stop the sweet sounds escaping his mouth. His hands find their way in Ashton’s hair, trying his hardest to not press him further down. He’s feeling good and he doesn’t ever want this feeling to go away.

But he knows it will end and he knows that he will feel awful afterwards. Ashton is the only one who can change something about that, but Luke knows he won’t. It will just be a repeat of the last time and the time before. And each time Luke feels worse.

But these thoughts are soon erased from his mind when he feels the familiar tight knot of pleasure building at the pit of his stomach. He starts to pull on Ashton’s hair, doing his best not to hurt him. His toes curl when he finally feels the release washing over his body.

Ashton crawls up the bed again, laying down half on top of Luke, making it very obvious how hard he still is. But Luke ignores it. Instead he lays his head in the crook of Ashton’s neck and lets out a sigh of content. This he could do forever.

“Luke,” Ashton says, almost sounding like he’s whining. He grinds a little bit against Luke’s leg, trying to find some kind of friction. But Luke isn’t reacting to it and he can see how frustrated it leaves Ashton.

“Ash?” Luke asks. Ashton only grunts in response. “Is this solemnly about sex for you?” Ashton stops moving and Luke can feel all his muscles tensing up. It is obvious how much Ashton would rather avoid this question.

Ashton gets up and turns his back to Luke, sitting on the edge of the bed. Luke kind of wishes he didn’t ask it, but at the same time he really wants to know. He wants some kind of clarification of what is going on. Why is Ashton doing this in the first place? Why is he only doing it when he’s drunk?

“It’s the alcohol,” Ashton says and it makes Luke mad. Why is he always blaming it on the alcohol? Luke isn’t stupid, he knows Ashton can still rationally think right now. It’s kind of a stab in the heart that Ashton rather denies everything.

“That’s bullshit,” Luke says. “You want it to be the alcohol, but it’s not.” Luke sits up as well. Ashton still doesn’t look at him. “I’m getting tired of this. I’m giving you want you, but I get nothing in return. I feel awful and I feel used. I feel stupid, but above all I feel like I’m losing my best friend.”

Luke gets up and starts to put his clothes back on. He doesn’t really want to do this, but desperate times call for desperate measures. Ashton doesn’t look at him the whole time until Luke opens the door. “Get your shit together,” he says before leaving the room.

\--

The days after feels weird to Luke. Ashton has been exceptionally quite, not only to him but also to the rest of the band. He hasn’t been rooming with Luke anymore and he hasn’t made any moves, either. But he has been getting drunk.

Luke starts to think that he should have handled the situation differently. But he doesn’t know what he should do to fix this. If he can’t have Ashton as a lover, then he at least wants to be his friend. And he feels like they’re not even that anymore.

He sees his chance when Ashton is half asleep on the couch of their dressing room. There is no one else around. He can feel his heart beating in his throat when he approaches the older boy. They haven’t spoken properly in days.

“Hey Ash,” Luke says softly. Ashton opens his eyes, looking confused at first and then rather scared. Luke feels his heart skip a bit. He doesn’t want Ashton to be scared of him. What is even happing to them?

“What’s wrong?” Ashton asks, his voice barely audible. He looks so tiny and vulnerable and Luke feels bad for waking him. But he has to do this, he can’t talk himself out of it. Things need to be cleared up and it needs to happen now.

“I kind of need to talk to you,” Luke says. He feels kind of awkward talking about this. “You know, about everything that happened. And please don’t say that you don’t remember or that it was the alcohol. I’m not stupid, Ash.”

Ashton lets out a sigh and rubs his face. He looks so distraught. “I’ve been thinking these past few days,” he says. “And I might have handled this situation all wrong.” He doesn’t really look Luke in the eyes while he is talking. “I like you, okay? But I don’t really like the fact that I like you. I couldn’t come to terms with myself. I only allowed myself to act on it when I was drunk. I could blame it on the alcohol and I wouldn’t feel guilty afterwards.

“But I did anyway. Of course I remember. I remember each time, it would just be easier to pretend I forgot. I was hurting myself and I didn’t realize how much I was hurting you, too. But I couldn’t stop myself. And I’m just an idiot.”

Luke is silent for a while, processing everything Ashton just said. But then he smiles. “Yes, you are an idiot,” he says. “Because you could have just told me. You wouldn’t have to blame any of it on alcohol and we could’ve just been happy.” He grabs Ashton’s chin. “I like you, too.”

Luke thinks it’s pretty nice to be able to kiss Ashton without the taste of alcohol on his lips.

\--

The fourth time it happens is later that evening. They are both sober and Luke thinks it’s so much better than it ever has been. He doesn’t feel stupid and he doesn’t feel used. He enjoys it and he knows he won’t feel awful afterwards. Because Ashton won’t pretend it never happened.


End file.
